Mobius
by Zenog's Lockbox
Summary: Hello, my name is Gaara. I used to be a homicidal psychopath, but I got better. My hobbies are sleeping, fuuinjutsu, and glassblowing. I like fresh orange juice, classical music, and jazz. Oh, and I'm also friends with a giant demon raccoon dog who accidentally ruined my life and made me sort of immortal. Thought I might mention that. (Rated T just to be safe.)


You know, I used to know how I thought the world worked. Everything functioned in a specific way when acted on in one way, and couldn't function any other way when acted upon in that way. Cause and effect. That's the way the world has always been for me: simple cause and effect.

I stab you in the kidney; you bleed to death very slowly as an effect. I set off explosives underneath you; you jump three hundred feet into the air and scatter yourself in a fine mist across the area. I bury you alive; you try to scream, and instead choke on whatever you are getting buried by. You punch me; I shatter your skull with a return punch.

Of course, that was how the world used to work for me. Then, my resident demon accidentally broke space-time trying to save me, and got me and itself trapped in a time loop. Eventually, I started being able to prevent the bad things from happening, and the length of the loop began extending every time I did something right.

However, as soon as I messed up, I found myself in front of the imposing gates of Konohagakure no Sato with my two teammates, stepping inside those fateful walls to once again take the tests laid out before me.

I've lost count, but I'm pretty sure that, mentally anyway, I'm almost a thousand years old now because of the time loop. Sure, I've learned a lot in those thousand or so years, but it is always so annoying when I mess something up after years without mistakes, and have to go all the way back, start from scratch, earn everyone else's trust again.

But of course, retaking the Chunin exams was the worst part of the loop.

Hello, my name is Gaara. I used to be a homicidal psychopath, but I got better. My hobbies are sleeping, fuuinjutsu, and glassblowing. I like fresh orange juice, classical music, and jazz. Oh, and I'm also friends with a giant demon raccoon dog who accidentally ruined my life. Thought I might mention that.

* * *

0934:290217620

* * *

I looked up at the gates of Konoha for what seemed like the millionth time—

/One million twenty-seventh, actually./

/Shut up, Shuka. It's your fault that we're even in this mess in the first place./

—as an almost imperceptible frown crossed my features. I turned towards my siblings and Baki.

"I'm going to go look around."

It was still my emotionless voice that I had had at that age. I'd perfected the art of getting it right after messing up seventy-three times in quick succession towards the beginning of the whole problem with the loop. The years of being able to show emotion later on in my life when I was Kazekage were clearly detrimental to being able to fake it. I did get it eventually, though.

Due to my tendency of killing anything that didn't do what I wanted when I was at that age, nobody on the team refused me, and I disappeared into the village with a shunshin.

* * *

0939:290217620

* * *

After five minutes of rapid shunshin-ing across the village, I finally found who I was looking for: Naruto Uzumaki, the current self-proclaimed next Hokage. Of course, if everything went to plan like it had the last few times (barring the avocado incident; that was just downright embarrassing), that wouldn't be happening too early.

As I stood in the tree – well, on the underside of one of the branches, anyway – observing Naruto training while he waited for his sensei's arrival, I bided my time mentally pointing out flaws and discussing them with Shukaku.

/His knees are too close together./

/No, Gaara, it's actually that his feet are too far apart, so it makes it look that way./

/Well, he's holding the kunai wrong./

/…Yeah, can't argue with that. How does he even think that that would work for blocking or attacking?/

/I don't know. But, at least we are safe in the knowledge that he is better at this fighting thing by the time he's Hokage./

Naruto suddenly stopped training as a shiver went down his spine, easily visible from my hiding place, followed by a loud sneeze.

"Hey, Teme, Sakura-chan! I think that someone is acknowledging that my dream of becoming Hokage will come true!"

"Sure they are, Dobe."

"Yeah! Everyone knows that Sasuke-kun is better than you, and only the best become Hokage!"

/My god how I hate her screeching./

The equivalent of a mental slap traveled across our connection as Shukaku practically shouted at me, /It was your fault for thinking so loud that Naruto could sense it!/

"Hey, guys? Do you hear someone shouting about thinking too loud?"

The two other genin just looked at him strangely.

"Okay, never mind, then."

* * *

1000:290217620

* * *

A good twenty minutes later, their chronically late sensei, Kakashi Hatake appeared in a puff of smoke, eliciting a loud screech of "YOU'RE LATE!" from the pink-haired banshee. Then, completely unexpectedly, an answering shout drifted over from the nearby residential district.

"Shut up you pink-haired banshee! Some people are trying to sleep in today!"

The entire group, myself included, sweat dropped at the comment, before Sakura rounded on her sensei, albeit quieter this time.

"We've been waiting for you for three hours, sensei! Where have you been? And don't give us one of your stupid excuses!"

"Calm down, Sakura. I was at an important meeting with the Hokage and it ran over… a lot."

"I said no stupid excuses!"

"Well, I was going to give you these entrance forms for the Chunin Exams that I got at the important meeting I was just talking about, but apparently you don't want them," the one-eyed man said, pulling three identical scrolls out of his vest.

Naruto's eyes glittered with excitement, just the same as the other thousands of times I'd seen this particular scene played out. "Really! I want one! I'm gonna be Chunin before you know it! Believe it!"

I face palmed, wishing that Naruto would get rid of that stupid verbal tic.

"Also, so I can give you time to think about this choice, you have the rest of the day off. The forms are due in at room 317 of the academy tomorrow at 10 o' clock sharp, so be there if you want to participate!" And with those words, the silver-haired jounin disappeared in another puff of smoke.

Rather rapidly, the team dispersed, excluding Naruto, who kept training, now with more vigor at the prospect of the upcoming exam. If only he knew…

In my trademark sand shunshin, I appeared down on the training field near Naruto, waiting for him to notice me. After three minutes of attacking a tree, he finally laid down in exhaustion, panting lightly, and noticed me standing over him. Quickly, he flipped up into a ready position, though it was slightly sloppy due to fatigue from attacking the same tree for at least three hours.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?"

I smiled at him – a real smile, not my homicidal murderer smile – and began introducing myself. "I'm Gaara. I'm kind of lost at the moment. I was looking for somewhere to get an early lunch—" Knowing Naruto like I did, I knew that would set him off and get him to take me to Ichiraku's.

"Oh, that's great! I know the perfect place!"

/You owe me 20 ryo as soon as I can fix the seal again./

/What? That bet's still going?/ came the incredulous reply of my resident raccoon dog.

/Why wouldn't it?/

* * *

1329:290217620

* * *

Three hours, twenty nine minutes, five seconds, and thirty-one extra large bowls of assorted flavors of ramen later, I walked out of the ramen stand alongside a flabbergasted Naruto.

"B-b-but… how?"

"I was hungry," I answered flatly.

As we walked along, I sensed a presence behind us, but didn't look back, knowing who it was already. I nudged Naruto, and began to strike up a conversation with him, as I glanced surreptitiously over my shoulder at the 'rock' following us.

"So, Naruto, have you ever seen a rock that had perfectly square corners?" I asked rather loudly.

He followed my gaze, and immediately caught on to what I was doing. "No, I don't think I ever have, Gaara," he said, equally loudly, "and certainly not one that could follow someone around."

"So," I began, "that must mean that there's no such thing as one, right?"

"Of course!"

"Then that must mean that the rock with perfectly square corners—" I spoke even louder on those last three words "—that seems to be following us—" again, louder on the last two words "—can't in any way even exist! Especially not with all the giggling coming from inside, right, Naruto?"

"No, it certainly can't be real, Gaara! And since it doesn't exist, I'm sure it won't mind if we have a seat on it and talk to each other."

As soon as we sat on it, the box crumpled inwards, squishing the three hapless academy students underneath it and trapping them.

"Ack! Boss! Get off of us!"

"Gaara, did you hear something?"

"No, you must be imagining it."

I looked at Naruto, and he looked at me, and we both burst out laughing as we got off of the box and began helping the Konohamaru Corps off of the ground. Of course, as the universe is wont to do, at that very moment, my siblings came around the corner.

We stood there, just looking at each other for about a minute. Their mouths were hanging open in shock from seeing me both laugh in a non-maniacal way, as well as helping someone up off the ground. After that minute of staring, they promptly fainted, causing another round of laughs to issue from myself and Naruto.

"Who the heck were those guys?" Naruto choked out between laughs.

"My siblings," I replied, also through laughter. "They're not used to me showing emotion."

This set us both off again, this time with the younger children joining us in our merrymaking.

I turned from the group abruptly, saying, "I suppose I'll see you tomorrow at the Exams, eh, Naruto?"

"You better believe it, Gaara!"


End file.
